Friday, December 19, 2008

"I have a headache right here"

As I point to the middle of my forehead I came to the realization that I have not had a headache like this in so long . Well maybe not since last week, but that was caused by all the cigarette smoking that was going on around me . This time it's stress. As much as I am telling myself that everything is going to be alright and that I am "good money", as a friend of mine would say. I am worried shitless about not knowing what my next move will be . Times are crazzzzzzy out there and it scares me . I mean things could be worst. Thank goodness I didn't take the apartment I was interested in, I would have been in deep shit if in a couple of months I am still unemployed or not making the right amount of money. I have food on my table, a bed to sleep in at home and elsewhere when I need to, family and friends that support me and look out for me , the lovely bag that I got myself for my 25th bday. All of these things are things that I am grateful for.

Then why am I feeling this way? This is totally not the kind of person I am . I am the girl who celebrates when things go bad because I know that for every bad always comes a really good thing. I have been living like this for a couple of months hence the headache I haven't had in months . Why can't I live like this now? Why am I thinking negative ? Thinking negative is like committing a sin for me . I have trained and worked hard at thinking positive every second of my life, I can not allow for that hard work to go down the drain .

I call thinking positive hard work because it is a challenge when all around you there are negative things . You turn on the news and there is all this talk about how the economy is getting worse, terrorist are plotting again , and people are being massed murdered. You have that friend that complains about everything . You love her to death but you know it clogs your aura so you try your best to stay away and love her from afar . You have those people that are always mad at the world and are ready to bring anyone down with them . Ugh those damn haters . I can't be influenced , I just can't.


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